By Laura Zweig
Hey, let’s be honest here: reading’s not for everyone. Some
people like to go outdoors and perform some strange activity called “socializing.”
Whatever. The point is both are equally acceptable. But say you happen to be in
an English class that requires some form of reading, here are a few suggestions
to make the process a little less painful.
My Immortal Harry Potter/My Immortal Twilight-
These fine specimens of literature are quite possibly the greatest bit of
fanfiction ever written. Featuring more spelling errors than a kindergarten’s
weekly test and a narrator who can’t seem to remember her character’s names,
this “punk” take on popular fiction will completely transform the way you feel
about everything. Warning: you may lose faith in humanity halfway through
chapter one.
Watchmen- The classic graphic novel is mostly
pictures. That’s easy, right? This illustrated epic chronicles the lives of
ex-superheroes and the corruption in their dystopian world, asking “who watches
the watchmen?” Mind blown. Also pretty pictures.
Power – This literary masterpiece by Linda Hogan will
make you reexamine your entire life. Featuring exactly one plot point (spoiler
alert: the wolf dies), this book allows you to pretend to read for hundreds of
pages without actually having to absorb anything. Win-win!
Modelland- Tyra Bank’s latest contribution to the
world is this bit of young adult literature intended to inspire us all to reach
our full photographic potential. The synopsis reads: “A young, awkward looking
girl by the name of Tookie De La Crème is invited to attend the legendary
Modelland for the chance to become an Intoxibella. Along the way she meets a
plus-sized girl named Dylan, a 4'7" girl named Shiraz, and an albino girl
named Piper. Together they form a strong bond as they face the trials and
tribulations of Modelland.” Everyone can relate to this tale of self-discovery,
particularly if you have a name that isn’t actually a name and you’re talented
in the art of smizing (smiling with one’s eyes). Get your copy now so you can
say you read it before it won the Pulitzer.
Any Book on Tape- If you can’t stand to read or maybe
you just never learned how, stop by your local library and pick up a book on
tape. Then locate a tape player. Realize you no longer own one. Drive back to
the library and get a CD. Now that you’ve finally got your story, press play
and let the narrator’s voice lull you into a place of perfect serenity. Please
don’t fall asleep while listening. It’s rude.
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